From the category archives:
Jokes
Did I Read That Sign Right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
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Some people just won't move!
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Bring on the Trumpets!!!!!!
My sister showed me this at the weekend and it’s just brilliant, I don’t know why – it just is!
The Last of the Mohicans dvd Bring on the Trumpets!
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The Mario Kart Love Song!
Via Darren
The finish line is just around the bend,
I’ll pause this game, so our love will never end
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Looks Like I'm in Trouble!
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Solving Insurmountable Problems
A friend sent me this last week, and it just made me smile.. I guess this joke carries a warmth as well as a punch-line… it also tells us that there are many ways to solve insurmountable problems!
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig up his garden so he could plant his tomatoes but it was very hard work as the ground was so hard. His only son Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Love Takes Wing dvdrip Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I knowyou would dig the plot for me.
Love,
Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire move
Do your summer house cleaning stuff, but don’t dig that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4am the next morning the police arrived and dug up the entire area.
They left without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Vinnie
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A new Pope!!
Amazing what you can do with a voice-over and bit of a warped sense of humour! (Via Lottie)
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