We use cookies to keep our site relevant and easy to use, your continued use of this site is consent that we may set several cookies (see our Privacy & Cookie Policy), click to always allow cookies from our site (and not see this notifcation on your next visit) or read more.Allow Cookies

EU legislation requires that all websites clearly specify if cookies are being used and their purpose, You can read more about how we use cookies (and which cookies we use) in our Privacy and Cookie Policy.

You will see this notification the first time you visit our website unless you accept cookies (in which case we'll set a cookie to remember thay you're happy for us to to set cookies!).

Memo: To: All Al Qaeda Fighters

To: All Al Qaeda Fighters 

From: Bin Laden, Osama 

Date: Wed, 29 March 2007 22:26:04 +0000 (GMT) 

Subject: The Cave 

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come

together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad,

we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we 
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid 
excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep 
the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota, have you? I've posted

a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area next to the halal toaster. 

Second: it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to 
scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that 
while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or 
keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks. 

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on 
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices 
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying. 

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance 
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy, 
Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks. 

Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F*CKS DONKEYS" on the group toilet 
wall. It's a lie, the donkey backed into me whilst I was relieving myself at

the edge of the mountain. 

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that 
the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of 
the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey


Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying 
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First 
patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar, Dave and Stan. 

Love you lots, 

Group Hug. 


PS - I'm sick of having "Osama Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundrybag. Cut 
it out, it's not funny any more

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 17th, 2007 at 8:57 pm and is filed under Jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

Leave a Reply