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In the event of a terrorist attack

IN THE EVENT OF A TERRORIST ATTACK BE PREPARED

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov.
The thing is that the pictures from the site are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.

Set yourself on Fire
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot a terrorist...
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow...
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed...
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.

Using a flashlight....
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

Elimate Smallpox
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson...
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo
Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.

Manic Hands...
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

Closed Doors
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

Absorb Radiation
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile!

After exposure to radiation
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

Radiation Mutant
If you’ve become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If you hear Music...
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or D’Side on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

Stomach Talking...
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

Not farting!
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

Lose Contact Lens
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Power Pole
Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

Plywood protection
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation

Food & Drink
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you’ll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 26th, 2004 at 11:21 am and is filed under Jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.


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